INFJ – ENFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section INFJ - ENFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The INFJ - ENFJ relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference difference. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


Joys Struggles
  • Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert.
  • Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants.
  • Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.
  • Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them.
  • Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask.
  • On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.


Joys Struggles
  • Because both parties enjoy discussing big ideas, possibilities and global issues, they will usually find a certain attraction to each other.
  • This is especially if they have similar viewpoints on certain issues, they will find chemistry with each other.
  • Both tend to enjoy each other’s uniqueness, not just in viewpoints but also in fashion, tastes and so on.
  • Because both parties enjoy talking about the future, their conversations will more often revolve around future hopes and dreams and exciting possibilities.
  • However, they may lack interest in everyday living, hence if they are a married couple, household duties may tend to be neglected.
  • Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance.
  • The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled.
  • A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper.


Joys Struggles
  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.


Joys Struggles
  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.

Here’s how INFJs and ENFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the INFJ as an ENFJ
  • Respect the need for alone time – Your partner typically unwinds and recharges by being alone, reading, thinking or resting. Try not to over pressurise them into socialising, as they will resent you and shut themselves out. 
  • Listen with full attention – Your partner removes all distractions whenever someone says something, and view listening poorly as a form of disrespect. Learn to listen to him/her with full attention. 
  • Encourage your partner’s dreams – Your partner is inclined to respond well when someone shows genuine interest in understanding his/her aspirations. Find out about his/her dreams and cheer them on! 
  • Prioritize your partner – Your partner can feel hurt and annoyed if you constantly meet the needs of others before attending to him/her. Hence it is important to ensure that he/she is not neglected. 
  • Discuss problems honestly and openly – Confrontations are usually avoided to uphold harmony. However, you should openly discuss issues with your partner, before they escalate and poison the partnership.
Reaching out to the ENFJ as an INFJ
  • Speak up – Don’t keep all your thoughts inside and expect your partner to probe. Share and be open about your thoughts and feelings – your partner will be happy to listen. 
  • Share your values – Talk about what is important to you and ask your partner what values are important to him/her. It helps both of you to build a personal relationship. 
  • Advocate for personal growth – Like you, your partner is concerned about the mental and emotional growth of self and others. Focus on these issues to find common ground. 
  • Talk about vision and possibilities – Both of you are interested in the ideal future and how the world can be better. Talk about them to find alignment in your goals.
  • Avoid being critical – Things about your partner may not fit your image of him/her, but it helps that you adopt a gentle, loving tone if you want to communicate

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the INFJ – ENFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.