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INFJ in love

INFJ in love

Being one of the most complex personalities among the 16, INFJs are enigmatic characters that can sometimes be a complete mystery to their partners. However, INFJs are affirming, encouraging and a great listening ear – a blessing for any partner they’ve chosen.    

The INFJs are committed to finding the ultimate ideal relationship. This means that they may unconsciously project their expectations of ideals on their partners, and may move on if they feel their partners don’t meet all those expectations. Partners of the INFJ may feel suffocated or oppressed if the INFJ somehow expresses all these expectations they have.

For this reason, many INFJs stay single. They rather are single and free than to be married to someone that doesn’t meet these expectations. Other INFJs manage this side of them, projecting their idealism elsewhere into their projects or work, rather than their partners.

However, if they have chosen a partner, INFJs are fully committed to making the relationship the best one there is. They are wonderful listeners – able to quickly and accurately diagnose the challenges that their partners have. They’ll help their partners verbalise their thoughts and find clarity. Partners often feel the gentle, warm and understanding presence of the INFJ to be a comforting space.

INFJs value harmony. They tend to be agreeable and willing to set aside their desires to meet their partner’s needs. Although they are opinionated, they rather find points of agreement first before discussing differences. Even when they’ve been slighted or offended, they tend to harbour resentment rather than confront. The keeping of emotions, however, does not serve them. It comes out later in an uncontrolled or emotional way.

INFJs feel loved and appreciated when their partner listens to their complex thoughts and lofty ideals without judgment. They are usually the listener, the counsellor in the relationship; but deeply wish their partners would also be genuinely interested enough in them to uncover their true thoughts and feelings. Partners of the INFJ should be prepared to spend a lot of quality time to listen attentively to them.

INFJs are typically faithful with household chores. They follow a schedule to ensure that the household needs are taken care of. However, they don’t particularly enjoy them. They prefer to live in a world of ideas and thoughts, rather than in the mundane. INFJs tend to be good with budgeting too. They prefer to give their time and money to pursuing a cause or a humanistic vision rather than to work for material things.


INFJ in Love Positives

Here are the joys of being with an INFJ in love...
  • Superb counsellors
  • Able to understand their partners quickly
  • Encouraging and sensitive to needs
  • Faithful, desiring long-term relationship
  • Willing to defer to their partner’s needs


INFJ in Love Challenges

Here are the challenges of being with an INFJ in love...
  • May project idealism on partners
  • May be highly opinionated and judgmental
  • Unwilling to share their heart
  • Sensitive to criticism
  • Dislike conflicts

Developing Your Relationships as an INFJ

To grow in your ability to love and care for your partner, here are some things you can do:

Articulate your thoughts and feelings

You like to ‘bake’ your thoughts in your head for a while before sharing them. When it comes out, it’s usually in the form of a conclusion. Your partner will feel confused about how you arrived at that conclusion, and also feel that you’re rather judgmental – making decisions without enquiring for more information.

Instead of letting things happen like that, share your thoughts as you have them. No matter how incomplete or stupid those thoughts feel, share them. You have to trust your partner to love you despite what you say or think. Do more of this, and you’ll get better at articulating yourself.

Don’t jump to conclusions; ask questions

You have what is traditionally known as the ‘sixth sense’. You’re able to conclude about someone or something long before others even catch on. This foresight can be a gift because you are often right. However, when it comes to building loving relationships, your premature (or so they think) conclusions come across as judgmental.

Ask questions, and find out more about a person or situation. Resist the temptation to make conclusions. The point here is not to change your conclusion (you are often more right than wrong), but to make your partner heard and understood.

Don’t project your idealism

Idealism is good in certain cases. When you’re fighting for a cause or working on a giant project, having idealism allows you to reach your potential and give your best. When it comes to love relationships, though, it’s not such a good idea. Your partner is bound to fall short of your high standards. You have a choice – either to carry on the relationship in spite of the imperfections or move on.

However, if you choose to carry on the relationship, you must be careful not to criticise or judge your partner by your high standards. If you do so, you will suffocate your partners. In the end, it won’t change them. You will do better by coming from a space of encouragement.


Loving an INFJ

Here’s what you should watch out for when you are dating or married to an INFJ partner.

Give them their time and space

INFJs are highly introverted. They need their space to meditate and reflect. At times, they might appear to retreat from you – not wanting to date or even talk. Don’t misinterpret them or think they’re abandoning you. No, it’s just their soul recharge time. Just let them know you’re a phone call or text away – and to call you when they’re ready.

Ask them questions to guide their expression

They can be so articulate when they speak, but INFJs do need help expressing their thoughts, especially the unfinished ones. You can show love to them by displaying genuine interest in their thoughts by asking open-ended questions. Questions like ‘ How did you arrive at this conclusion?’, or ‘Oh, how did you think of that’ will help them express themselves more succinctly.

Be patient with their explanations

It might take a while to get used to INFJs when they explain things. When they share, they appear to have concluded on the matter and don’t give space for alternative viewpoints. If you disagree, be patient. Listen to their point of view, and suggest to them if its possible that something else might be true also. Share with them only if they indicate openness to hear.

Encourage their dreams and ideals

INFJs have lofty ideals. They feel most loved when you display genuine interest in those dreams and ideals. Get them to share about it and encourage them to pursue those dreams. Show them you’ll be their #1 cheerleader!


Compatible Partnerships

Although we should never discount a person as a potential partner because of his/her personality type, type theory offers a good idea about which types might suit INFJs better.

According to theory, the ENFP or the ENTP probably form the best partnership with the INFJs. They both prefer Intuition (N), which makes communication more straightforward and less chance for misunderstanding. The spontaneous and gregarious ENFPs or ENTPs are a great match for the mysterious and planned INFJs.

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