ISTJ – ISTP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISTJ - ISTP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISTJ - ISTP relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Introversion-Introversion

Joys

Struggles

Introverts have a natural mutual respect of each other’s private time and space; both will know the need for the occasional solitude and quiet. In recreation, both enjoy that alone time and at the most with a close group of friends; both do not like big social gatherings or parties. If they have a common interest, introverts will enjoy those long, deep meaningful conversations they can have with one another. Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.

Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about. Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough. May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.

Sensing-Sensing

Joys

Struggles

Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen. Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other. Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.

Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed. In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple. In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.

Thinking-Thinking

Joys

Struggles

Both parties enjoy the straightforward and frank communication styles; no emotional issues is brought into discussion and decision making. As such, both find it easy to communicate with each other; they won’t have to try to cushion their message or filter it; but can afford to be direct without being afraid of offending the other party. In decision-making, both parties use a logical, objective analysis to access pros and cons. This same mode of decision-making will mean that they are less likely to come into conflict.

While both are logical with one another, sometimes some romance and affection can liven up the relationship; both parties may have issues showing it. Because both use a logical and objective process in decision-making, they may have a blind spot in considering their personal values. Under stress, they may have an issue controlling their own emotions; sometimes this can lead to highly intense fights that are destructive.

Judging-Perceiving

Joys

Struggles

Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions. Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate. Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.

However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers. Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom. Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy. Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how ISTJs and ISTPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISTJ as an ISTP

Do what you say you will – Keep your promises and hold on to your commitments. Be prompt or call your partner when you’re running late to meet him/her.  Lend a helping hand – Taking the initiative to help your partner with chores or errands is one of the things he/she will appreciate the most!  Share your thoughts – Be open in sharing your thoughts and reactions, let your partner in on what’s happening in your life. Communicate intentionally.  Avoid springing surprises – Your partner will find way more misery than delight in surprises. Instead, acknowledge your partner’s need for predictability and give some notice if plans are changed.  Remember important dates – Plan ahead so you’re prepared for important holidays and celebrations. Participate in events that your partner has helped to organise as well.

Reaching out to the ISTP as an ISTJ

Encourage your partner to share – Your partner is a person of few words. Encourage your partner to share by asking genuine, caring questions and listening patiently. Be available – Avail yourself to participate in activities with your partner, by planning for free time or doing so spontaneously.  Participate in your partner’s interests – Try to participate in some activities that your partner is interested in, such as running, hiking or the like.  Expect changes – Your partner may change plans and schedules often without informing you. Be patient as this will get on your nerves.  Try not to boss your partner around – Watch your tendency to impose rules and structure on your partner. Give him/her freedom to choose and decide.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISTJ – ISTP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.