Find out how you interact with another type

ISTP in love

istp in love

Independent, quiet and yet excitable, ISTPs are hard to get to know at the start, but will share more as they grow comfortable with their partners. They are people of few words, using them economically to achieve their outcomes. However, they think and analyze a lot more than most people notice which is why they tend to be underestimated at times.

Being independent and freedom seeking, ISTPs don’t like to feel tied down or committed. They are comfortable in a long term love relationship as long as their partner gives them enough space. They tend to not like it if things get too complicated or their partner becomes to controlling of their behaviors. If this becomes the case, the ISTPs have little qualms moving on from the relationship.

ISTPs are simple people. They like dealing with practical stuff around the house like fixing the light bulb, repairing the washing machine, even cooking a hearty meal for their partner. Their love language is usually expressed through these acts of service and sometimes gift giving. They are not vocal people, preferring to express their love through acts rather than telling their partners ‘I love you’.

They will avoid dealing with their partners’ emotions. Being logical and objective, they prefer to deal in the realm of logic and facts. This serves them well in the workplace and in intellectual discussions. In their relationships, they will use these facts to helpfully educate their partners or correct what they perceive to be their partners misconceptions. Not that their partners will always appreciate it.

However, when it comes to the realm of emotions, ISTPs struggle. They find it hard to delve into the complex and subjective world of emotions that they deem irrational and hard to understand. As such, they may tend to shy away from a partner who wants to share their emotions. ISTPs would rather walk away or avoid the conversation entirely. This, however, may make their partners feel abandoned.

Being highly introverted, ISTPs like to spend their leisure time alone or with their partners. They are happy to sit at home and watch TV or netflix with their partners. Such activities require low interaction but yet still have the presence of their partners. They will find going for social gatherings extremely tiring, especially those with strangers. If their partner is extroverted, then they’re going to have some conflict or unhappiness if their partner demands them to follow for these gatherings. Their partners can show love but simply showing understanding of their need to have solitude.

ISTPs feel most loved when their partners compliment them on their ability to solve problems quickly, practically and creatively with the limited available resources in hand. They also enjoy having their crafts or handiworks importantly complimented and appreciate by their parnters. Even though they appear emotionless on the surface, they are actually very emotionally intense people – and will appreciate the loving gestures of their partners.

With money, ISTPs may be rather thrifty in many things, carefully spending their money. However, when something catches their eye, they’ll still have this impulsive nature that may cause them to make a decision on the spot and buy something before even telling their partners. Partners can be surprised, or even shocked when they find out that ISTPs made a financial decision before talking to them!


ISTP in Love Strengths

Here are the joys of being with an ISTP in love...
  • Relatively good listeners
  • Open to criticism and change
  • Practical, down-to-earth
  • Able to adjust their lifestyle quickly to fit partner
  • Handy around the household


ISTP in Love Challenges

Here are the challenges of being with an ISTP in love...
  • May not express themselves easily
  • Dislike getting into the realm of emotions
  • May be insensitive with their words
  • Tend to be careless or impulsive with money
  • Being excited by the new; may lack follow through

Developing Your Relationships as an ISTP

To grow in your ability to love and care for your partner, here are some things you can do:

Communicate your thoughts and emotions more often

You may have a lot going on under the surface. You may say very little and think a lot about things. That’s okay when you’re in a contemplative state and you need to analyse something in depth. However, what is not good is when you do this to your partners. Silence from you can easily be misinterpreted. Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you impatient? If you don’t speak, your partner may project their insecurities on you and then react wrongly.

Learn to share your thoughts and emotions often. Not for your own sake – you don’t need to verbalize your thinking, but so that you can continue to build intimacy and open communication with your partner.

Be affirming and encouraging

You are straightforward and to the point. It is probably helpful in the workplace to be objective, analytical and logical. However, if you apply the same thing to your love relationship, you’re going to unintentionally hurt your partner’s feelings. You may helpfully point out mistakes or flaws in your partner, but it only comes across as harsh criticism.

Instead, try to praise your partner more often. When something negative needs to be said, think of a gentle way to put it across, or find an appropriate time when your partner is willing to hear you out.

Let your partner know you need solitude time

No doubt, you need your time alone away from people and obligations at times. That is completely fine as a single, because no one expects you to be around. Friends may be perplexed, but most of them won’t make a fuss about your disappearance. Your partner, however, may interpret your need for solitude as abandoning or forsaking them.

Let them know you just need some alone time away from people for a while to recharge, and you’ll be back in a few hours/days/weeks. They may not warm to the idea initially, but eventually they will understand that this is your way of finding energy to run the next lap of the race of life.


Loving an ISTP

Here’s what you should watch out for when you are dating or married to an ISTP partner.

Give them space and freedom

ISTPs need their space away from people, and from you sometimes. It’s not that they don’t like you – it’s just that they need to ‘breathe’ and they do so by finding solitude, away from anyone that has the slightest of expectations of them. This happens occasionally, but when it happens, don’t misinterpret it as abandonment. Your partner will be back.

Don’t get too ‘deep’ with them

ISTPs like life to be simple and straightforward. Don’t talk about ‘deep’ philosophies with them or about big topics like purpose or meaning. They’re likely to give you a blank stare and wonder what’s making you think so much. Keep it simple with them and at the same time, don’t expect them to catch nuances – just tell them as it is.

Find recreational activities to do together

ISTPs love doing things together with their partners over having long conversations. Conversations may be tiring for them, but doing activities in the presence of each other, to them is more than enough to show love. When you’re dating them, think about interesting activities that both of you can engage in together. Sometimes, even watching TV or a movie together is good enough for them.

Encourage them to share their thoughts

ISTPs tend to talk very little. Their stoic responses may get on your nerves sometimes. You can encourage them to share their thoughts by asking “How” questions. For example, ask “How did you come to this conclusion?” or “How was dealing with your boss today?” ‘How’ questions get them to open up a little more – but you have to be patient with them, it’s going to take a while.

Compatible Partnerships

Although we should never discount a person as a potential partner because of his/her personality type, type theory offers a good idea about which types might suit ISTPs better.

According to theory, the ESFJ or the ESTJ probably form the best partnership with the ISTPs. They are both Sensing (S), which makes communication more straightforward and less chance for misunderstanding. The quiet, stable and diligent ESFJs or ESTJs are a great complement to the fun-loving and witty ISTPs.

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