ISTJ - INTP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISTJ - INTP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISTJ - INTP relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Extroversion-Introversion

Joys

Struggles

Introverts have a natural mutual respect of each other’s private time and space; both will know the need for the occasional solitude and quiet. In recreation, both enjoy that alone time and at the most with a close group of friends; both do not like big social gatherings or parties. If they have a common interest, introverts will enjoy those long, deep meaningful conversations they can have with one another. Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.

Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about. Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough. May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.

Sensing-Intuition

Joys

Struggles

Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs. Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions. Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense. While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.

May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry. Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information. Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.

Thinking-Thinking

Joys

Struggles

Both parties enjoy the straightforward and frank communication styles; no emotional issues is brought into discussion and decision making. As such, both find it easy to communicate with each other; they won’t have to try to cushion their message or filter it; but can afford to be direct without being afraid of offending the other party. In decision-making, both parties use a logical, objective analysis to access pros and cons. This same mode of decision-making will mean that they are less likely to come into conflict.

While both are logical with one another, sometimes some romance and affection can liven up the relationship; both parties may have issues showing it. Because both use a logical and objective process in decision-making, they may have a blind spot in considering their personal values. Under stress, they may have an issue controlling their own emotions; sometimes this can lead to highly intense fights that are destructive.

Judging-Perceiving

Joys

Struggles

Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions. Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate. Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.

However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers. Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom. Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy. Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how ISTJs and INTPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISTJ as an INTP

Give specific instructions – Avoid talking about the big picture or abstract ideas. Instead, give specific instructions down to the to-dos.  Acknowledge your partner’s effort – Your partner helps people behind the scenes more than you know. Acknowledge your partner’s effort when you see it.  Focus on building agreement – Refrain from being critical or disagreeing unless necessary. Focus on finding points of agreement and letting your partner know you are on the same team.  Take action on your words – Whenever you discuss with your partner, translate those conclusions into actionable steps, and then take action.  Stick to your plans – If you make changes to your schedules or deadlines, it gives your partner stress. Be decisive – make a plan and stick to it.

Reaching out to the INTP as an ISTJ

Respect your partner’s independence – Do not demand your partner to participate in all the activities which you are interested in.  Seriously consider your partner’s ideas – You may be too used to your partner’s outlandish ways by now; try to show your partner’s ideas some consideration before saying no or pointing out why it doesn’t work.  Do not micromanage – Never control your partner’s schedules or impose too many rules or expectations on your partner. This independent mind will not be able to take restrictions well.  Listen patiently – Be patient with your partner’s way of describing things that can be complicated at times. Ask questions to understand his/her perspectives.  Never embarrass your partner in public – Do not question your partner’s competence or put your partner in a spot in front of others. It won’t be pretty after that.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISTJ – INTP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.