ISTJ - ESTP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISTJ - ESTP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISTJ - ESTP relationship has 2 preference similarities and 2 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Extroversion-Introversion

Joys

Struggles

Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert. Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants. Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.

Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them. Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask. On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.

Sensing-Sensing

Joys

Struggles

Will likely enjoy similar topics in conversation, mainly about past and present happenings related to, people they’ve met, places they’ve been, experiences they seen. Both like language simple, straightforward and literal; will likely ‘click’ with each other. Because both tend to live in the present, household duties are less likely to be neglected. However the more passive ones may still not perform them.

Although both enjoy Sensory details, the couple may disagree on specifics in the household: i.e. what colour should the wall be, where should the vase be placed. In times of crises, both partners tend to over-worry or think up worst case scenarios, which is unproductive and sometimes cause destructive conflict between the couple. In such cases, they may lack the future looking vision that will help them through the crisis.

Thinking-Thinking

Joys

Struggles

Both parties enjoy the straightforward and frank communication styles; no emotional issues is brought into discussion and decision making. As such, both find it easy to communicate with each other; they won’t have to try to cushion their message or filter it; but can afford to be direct without being afraid of offending the other party. In decision-making, both parties use a logical, objective analysis to access pros and cons. This same mode of decision-making will mean that they are less likely to come into conflict.

While both are logical with one another, sometimes some romance and affection can liven up the relationship; both parties may have issues showing it. Because both use a logical and objective process in decision-making, they may have a blind spot in considering their personal values. Under stress, they may have an issue controlling their own emotions; sometimes this can lead to highly intense fights that are destructive.

Judging-Perceiving

Joys

Struggles

Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions. Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate. Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.

However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers. Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom. Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy. Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how ISTJs and ESTPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISTJ as an ESTP

Listen more and ask questions – Ask your partner some questions and listen attentively. If you don’t, it often becomes a one-sided affair. Your partner takes time to open up so a question from you helps.  Be patient – Give your partner time to formulate the thoughts and then share. Be patient, don’t rush your partner and don’t move on to something else.  Don’t challenge in public – Don’t challenge your partner’s logic, especially in public. If he/she can’t respond well to you, you may be putting your partner in a potentially uncomfortable situation.  Come to a conclusion – Don’t leave too many things open. Your partner doesn’t like things that are unsettled, and prefer that you decide on deadlines, schedules or plans.  Give time to adjust – Your partner does not like changes in his/her life. Don’t expect your partner to be as flexible and adaptable as you. Give time and space, and let your partner tell you when he/she’s ready.

Reaching out to the ESTP as an ISTJ

Let go of little things – Watch your tendency to be pick about order and precision, be willing to occasionally let the little things go!  Trust your partner – Trust your partner and allow your partner to enjoy their spare time without having to account for every minute.  Don’t always say no – Be game enough to participate in some of the adventures your partner suggests! Do not automatically say no all the time.  Participate in their events – Try to participate in as many social activities as you can with your partner. If you can’t do it, tell your partner to go ahead without you.  Live in the moment – Be willing to stop what you’re doing and leave things unfinished once in a while. Learn to enjoy the moment and have fun with your partner!

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISTJ – ESTP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.