INTJ – ENFP Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section INTJ - ENFP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The INTJ - ENFP relationship has 1 preference similarity and 3 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Extroversion-Introversion

Joys

Struggles

Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert. Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants. Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.

Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them. Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask. On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.

Intuition-Intuition

Joys

Struggles

Because both parties enjoy discussing big ideas, possibilities and global issues, they will usually find a certain attraction to each other. This is especially if they have similar viewpoints on certain issues, they will find chemistry with each other. Both tend to enjoy each other’s uniqueness, not just in viewpoints but also in fashion, tastes and so on. Because both parties enjoy talking about the future, their conversations will more often revolve around future hopes and dreams and exciting possibilities.

However, they may lack interest in everyday living, hence if they are a married couple, household duties may tend to be neglected. Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance. The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled. A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper.

Thinking-Feeling

Joys

Struggles

Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler’s compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self. Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense. The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.

Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler. Thinkers may not understand the Feeler’s desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict. Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler’s behavior and deem them complicated. Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don’t show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship.

Judging-Perceiving

Joys

Struggles

Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions. Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate. Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.

However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers. Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom. Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy. Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how INTJs and ENFPs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the INTJ as an ENFP

Give them time for reflection – Resist the temptation to interject when your partner is pondering. Instead, give your partner time and space to think through how to articulate them.  Give them 1-1 time – While you enjoy the crowd, your partner prefers the private 1-1 conversations. Reserve some time with your partner to do this.  Stay objective and logical – While passion and emotion drive you, but you have to use objective logic and verifiable facts to convince your partner.  Follow through on your ideas – The lack of follow through on your ideas gets on your partner’s nerves. Whatever you have said, do it and follow through.  Give time to adjust – If change is needed, explain the rationale and logic behind the change and then give your partner time and space to adjust.

Reaching out to the ENFP as an INTJ

Express yourself intentionally – Make an effort to express your thoughts openly, no matter how incomplete you think they are.  Be encouraging and affirming – Your partner may misinterpret your straightforward language as insensitive or even offensive. Adopt an encouraging or affirming way to say it.  Learn about your partner’s dreams – Ask your partner about his/her dreams and visions for the future. Encourage their possibility and refrain from being critical, no matter how flawed you think it may be.  Focus on people development – If you have a proposal, angle it regarding the impact it has on people and how it would develop them and help them meet their fullest potential.  Be patient with your partner’s spontaneity – Your partner may make changes frequently in deadlines, schedules or other decisions. Be patient, for it may get on your nerves.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the INTJ – ENFP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.