INFP – ESFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section INFP - ESFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The INFP - ESFJ relationship has 1 preference similarity and 3 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Extroversion-Introversion

Joys

Struggles

Are attracted by each other’s difference in energy levels. Extroverts appreciate the calm and steady demeanor of the Introvert, while Introverts enjoy the hearty and bubbly Extrovert. Extrovert enjoys that there is an active listening ear in the Introvert, always ready to listen to his thoughts and rants. Introvert enjoys that the Extrovert takes social leadership in most occasions, connecting them to new friends and people that they otherwise would be too shy to approach.

Extroverts, however, may find that the Introvert is too quiet and communicates too little with nothing to share. They may feel Introverts are boring, or just disinterested in talking to them. Introverts may find that Extroverts are too loud and talk too much without listening to them. An Introvert may feel neglected and unheard by Extroverts because they will only share if asked – and Extroverts usually don’t ask. On the weekends, Extroverts enjoy heading out for social activities or other high stimulation activities to relax while Introverts prefer staying home or at the most have some quiet activity with close friends. This difference in preference will sometimes lead to dissatisfaction.

Sensing-Intuition

Joys

Struggles

Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs. Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions. Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense. While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.

May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry. Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information. Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.

Feeling-Feeling

Joys	Struggles
Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs. Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other. Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.	Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly. They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship. Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.

Judging-Perceiving

Joys

Struggles

Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so. Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger’s opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions. Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers – something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate. Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything – something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.

However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness – Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers. Perceivers may find Judgers’  to be too controlling at times; they often react by pushing back because they find it too stifling to their desire for freedom. Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don’t like to keep things neat and orderly (at least in the Judger’s eyes) – this of course drives Judgers crazy. Judgers may also find the Perceiver’s lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver’s life as a result – this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.

 

Here’s how INFPs and ESFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the INFP as an ESFJ

Give your partner time to share – Give your partner time to share his/her thoughts and feelings, if you are aware you are dominating a conversation.  Get to the gist – Get to the gist of the issue quickly – your partner can work out the point of your words. Omit details unless asked.  Be authentic – Connect to your partner by being open and authentic about your feelings. Don’t hide behind formality or position.  Stay open to change – Your partner is rather spontaneous with his/her schedules and may change because of a new inspiration or idea. Stay open to change and be patient.  Support your partner’s dreams – Your partner may have dreams and visions that he/she wants to see fulfilled. Learn about these dreams and support your partner practically to achieve it.

Reaching out to the ESFJ as an INFP

Share your thoughts and feelings openly – Your partner would love you to be open about your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Speak with warmth and openness.  Talk about the details – Instead of talking about the big picture or the gist, talk about the details of things that have happened. It’s your partner’s way of connecting with you.  Be practical – Ideals and dreams don’t excite your partner as much as it does you. Focus on the practical and realistic aspect of your proposals.  Focus on their experience – Your partner is likely to reference experience a lot for his/her decisions today. Use positive experiences to convince them.  Be decisive – You may appear wishy-washy to your partner if you don’t have a definitive answer. Answer with certainty, even though you’re not entirely sure.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the INFP – ESFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.