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ISFP in love

Quiet, supportive and encouraging, ISFPs are partners who are meek yet passionate individuals. Although they are flexible and easy-going about many things, when it comes to relationships, ISFPs are committed and serious.

People often underestimate ISFPs because they appear quiet and stoic. ISFPs are, in fact, people of intense sensitivity and possess great depth of emotion. Because they’re afraid of being hurt, they usually only show this emotional side to people whom they feel they can trust.

ISFPs prefer to defer their opinions to their partner. They rather let their partners make the final decisions on dates, how to spend money, and household related stuff. It’s not that they don’t have an opinion – they rather avoid any potential conflict that might result because of disagreements. To them, to be able to avoid the conflict is far more important than them sharing their thoughts. The result: they may appear to be lacking opinion or seem like they have little needs. Partners of ISFPs therefore need to be careful about appearing critical or judgmental to them.

In the same way, ISFPs will put aside their own needs to meet their partner’s. They are very giving people – even selfless to make sure that the practical needs of their partners are met.

Being people who prefer the backstage than the spotlight, ISFPs will be their partner’s secret cheerleader. They are not vocal supporters; but they’ll always be quietly there behind their partners, whether by acts of service or a gentle word of encouragement. Of course, they appreciate it when their partners affirm them and serve them in small ways, but they don’t need big shows of extravagance or anything that calls attention to themselves.

ISFPs live in the moment, but don’t see a need to do long-term planning or make decisions with a long term view. They tend to be resistant to people who try to control them by nagging or enforcing their behaviours and they might break up with a partner who tries to do it too much. Sometimes, they may even isolate themselves by closing up their lives in solitude for a period because they feel overwhelmed. Partners who don’t understand this may misinterpret this withdrawal as abandonment.

They are simple people have simple needs. They don’t need to go on expensive dates or have luxury items to feel satisfied. Of course, they don’t mind the occasional sensory treats -  But for the most part, they are happy with private dates with their partners like watching a movie, or just doing an simple activity together.  

While ISFPs are simple in their use of money, they are usually not good with money management. They may overspend on certain and under budget for others – planning is not their strength. Occasionally they may even make purchases before telling their partners! It would help the ISFP to plan their finances with their partners or hire a financial consultant to help them in this area.


ISFP in Love Strengths

Here are the joys of being with an ISFP in love...
  • Sensitive to their partner’s needs
  • Good listeners
  • Practical, down-to-earth
  • Able to adjust their lifestyle quickly to fit partner
  • Committed and seek long-term relationships


ISFP in Love Challenges

Here are the challenges of being with an ISFP in love...
  • May get hurt easily by their partner’s well-meaning words
  • Avoid important conversations because of fear of conflict
  • May not show their emotions readily
  • Tend to be careless or lack financial discipline
  • May become cynical of people

Developing Your Relationships as an ISFP

To grow in your ability to love and care for your partner, here are some things you can do:

Communicate your needs

You tend to clam up and say little about what you are feeling beneath the surface, leaving your partner clueless at times on what to do. Remember that your needs are just as important as your partner’s, so you have to learn to share them openly. Your partner who loves you also wants to know how he/she can meet those needs – they’re frustrated with you at times because they can’t ‘get’ you. Once you say it, at least now they know where they stand and what they can do.

Speak up as you feel it; it gets easier the more you do it. Really. And you’ll realise that saying it is not as bad as how it plays out in your mind.

Learn to be comfortable with healthy conflict

You may find yourself avoiding conflict either by deferring to your partner or just unhappily keeping quiet, and then talking about it with someone else later. While conflicts can be rather ugly at times, healthy conflict can help a relationship grow closer together.

The next time you find yourself running away from a potential conflict. Stop and assert your point instead. Speak up and let your partner know what you think – after you’ve said it, you can back off if you want, but the important thing is that your partner has got the message loud and clear.

Let your partner know you need time alone

There will be times you need to be away from everything. To be alone and breathe, and find peace in the solitude. That’s important for you to recharge so that you can return to your work and relationships refreshed. Sometimes, however, this period can be rather extended, like a few days to weeks.

If that is the case, let your partner know you are going to be ‘away’ or ‘in your cave’ for a while. Your partner will understand (at least after a few times), and give you your time and space.


Loving an ISFP

Here’s what you should watch out for when you are dating or married to an ISTP partner.

Give them sufficient freedom and space

ISFPs need their space away from people, and from you sometimes. It’s not that they don’t like you – it’s just that they need to ‘breathe’ and they do so by finding solitude, away from anyone that has the slightest of expectations of them. This happens occasionally, but when it happens, don’t misinterpret it as abandonment.

Keep it simple with them

ISFPs like life to be simple and straightforward. Don’t talk about ‘deep’ philosophies with them or about big topics like purpose or meaning. They’re likely to give you a blank stare and wonder what’s making you think so much. Keep it simple with them and at the same time, don’t expect them to catch nuances – tell them as it is.

Ask them what they prefer

Because ISFPs tend to defer to your opinion, you might assume that they wholeheartedly agree with you. The chances are that they have their own opinions too. Ask them what about their opinions and thoughts, and wait for them to share. Let them know that you sincerely want to hear them, and wait. Don’t expect them to tell you immediately, but they will eventually.

Make them feel safe to share their feelings

The main reason why ISFPs may not share their feelings is that they are afraid of being judged or criticised. They can be hyper-sensitive – some of the things you say that you don’t think are hurtful can be construed as hurtful for them. So when you want them to share, keep assuring them that you won’t make any comments and that you will accept everything they say wholesale. When they feel safe enough, they will open up their intense feelings to you.


Compatible Partnerships

Although we should never discount a person as a potential partner because of his/her personality type, type theory offers a good idea about which types might suit ISFPs better.

According to theory, the ESFJ or the ESTJ probably form the best partnership with the ISFPs. They are both Sensing (S), which makes communication more straightforward and less chance for misunderstanding. The sociable, gregarious and stable ESFJs or ESTJs are a great complement to the quiet and sensitive ISFPs.