ISFJ – INFJ Relationship

ISFJ - INFJ Relationship

Joys and Struggles

This section ISFJ - INFJ relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISFJ - INFJ relationship has 3 preference similarities and 1 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:


Joys Struggles
  • Introverts have a natural mutual respect of each other’s private time and space; both will know the need for the occasional solitude and quiet.
  • In recreation, both enjoy that alone time and at the most with a close group of friends; both do not like big social gatherings or parties.
  • If they have a common interest, introverts will enjoy those long, deep meaningful conversations they can have with one another.
  • Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.
  • Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about.
  • Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough.
  • May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.


Joys Struggles
  • Sensors enjoys the insightful and brilliant Intuitive and seeing things from a big picture, strategic perspective relative to theirs.
  • Sensors are also likely fascinated by the outlandish imagination of the Intuitive; with big dreams and visions.
  • Intuitives will appreciate the Sensors attention to detail in everyday living; Sensors bring Intuitives down to earth to common sense.
  • While not true for all Sensors, Sensors dress themselves and groom themselves relatively well; this is something that Intuitives will appreciate and admire.
  • May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry.
  • Sensors are more past and present focused while Intuitives tend to be more future oriented; This means that Sensors will take references from past experiences and present facts to make a decision, while Intuitives are more likely to take into account future possibilities when doing so. – This may lead to different conclusions with available information.
  • Sensors may find Intuitives’ lack of interest in everyday living and managing household tasks to be frustrating; they don’t understand why Intuitives are always ‘in their heads’, pondering about the deep things of life while they are the ones taking care of the duties of the household.


Joys Struggles
  • Both parties are attracted to each other’s warmth, sensitivity and kindness to each other’s needs.
  • Both will likely enjoy their expressiveness and natural affection with each other.
  • Both Feeling types tend to recognize and consider their partner’s needs and try to meet them. Hence there is usually high level of harmony in the relationship.
  • Because both value some level of harmony, they may store up unhappy feelings inside and not share openly.
  • They may avoid necessary conflict and disagreements; this is unhealthy in the long run for the quality of the relationship.
  • Because both may decisions with their personal values, they may sometimes overlook logical consequences of certain actions.


Joys Struggles
  • Because both value organization, they are likely to have a neat and tidy household with clear rules and standards, something which both parties will prefer.
  • They are likely also to plan their schedules with each other, with little or no issue with unnecessary last minute changes.
  • They will also appreciate their partner’s ability to keep up with the demands of everyday living and stay on top.
  • They will likely be strong together with budgeting, there will be little or no issues with planning out finances together.
  • Even though both parties may have standards in the household, they may have very different standards.
  • Because both tend to be opinionated, their arguments and quarrels may be more intense. Both may refuse to budge on their standards and compromise.
  • Both parties like to settle things; this means that sometimes they may make premature decisions without sufficiently considering their alternative options.


Here’s how ISFJs and INFJs can relate to each other better:

Reaching out to the ISFJ as an INFJ
  • Be patient with the sharing – When sharing, your partner may seem long-winded. Be patient, don’t interrupt and listen attentively. 
  • Share your feelings – Your partner likely doesn’t grasp the depth of emotions you feel. Explain yourself as simply as possible but don’t expect your partner to ‘connect-the-dots’. 
  • Give the details – Sharing the details of events and his/her interaction with people is your partner’s way of connecting with you. Likewise, share the details with your partner, don’t just give the gist. 
  • Be practical – You may appear too idealistic to your partner. What your partner wants to know is if something is practical or executable. 
  • Focus on what has worked before – Your partner is cautious and may not want to try new things. To overcome that, show a track record of success stories.
Reaching out to the INFJ as an ISFJ
  • Express yourself – Don’t be afraid to share how you think or feel with your partner. He/she will be more than happy to listen and empathise. 
  • Ask questions to clarify your partner’s thoughts – Sometimes your partner may have a hard articulating how he/she feels. Ask questions to help your partner work through his/her thoughts or feelings. 
  • Be authentic in your sharing – Your partner feels more connected to you when you are authentically sharing your heart with him/her. Your partner will reciprocate by sharing too. 
  • Get to the gist – Don’t spend too much time on the details. It is likely your partner ‘gets it’ very quickly. 
  • Support your partner’s ideals – Your partner has ideals that are not often supported by others. Encourage and spur your partner on and practically find ways to help your partner achieve it.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISFJ – INFJ relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.